i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
