I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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