Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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