ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
