is your mom at the bar?
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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