YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
