You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
