think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
