found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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