Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
