How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
