Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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