I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
