Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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