Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He shit in the fireplace
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
