yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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