he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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