My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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