he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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