Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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