Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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