I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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