I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A bitchslap is in order.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
