found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
