I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
