If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
