She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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