you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
