he puts the penis in happiness.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups