OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."