Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
