Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?