He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Someone signed my nipple.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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