drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
