Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dick very happy bro
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize