life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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