My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize