im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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