Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
