I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
