Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
