You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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