I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
