drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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