he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
