Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
