that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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