let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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