Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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