meet me or not, i'm out of control
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
