I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
