I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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