Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
