Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
