Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
