No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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