Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
