Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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