I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
