He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
