At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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