yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You left your phone here
Wait...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
