I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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