And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
