I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
