Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
